After my ER, I was sore and a bit tired so Tim took me home to rest. Unfortunately, I had some work that I needed to get done that afternoon so I only rested for a few hours and then I headed to the lab. Tim insisted on driving me and he stayed with me while I set up for an experiment the next day. After a couple hours, I'd had enough and we headed back home.
The following morning I got the first of several phone calls from the doctor in the lab. He called to let me know that ALL 5 eggs fertilized! We had 5 little babies growing! I was over the moon. After only getting 5 eggs to start, it was wonderful to see that we had 5 little embryos. The decision was to do a 3 day transfer which would be on a Sunday.
Between the ER and the embryo transfer (ET), I focused on drinking my Gatorade to prevent too much fluid retention and drinking 1/5 of a pineapple (including the core) every night as a smoothie. This is supposed to help with implantation.
On the day of the ET, I was instructed to drink 20 oz of water 1 hour prior to my appointment. Honestly, I was more upset about this than the thought of having someone stick a very large needle through my vagina. My bladder is small and my uterus and ovaries are swollen and sore so having a full bladder after the ER was even more painful than the average full-bladder discomfort. I decided to cheat a little and I only drank 18 oz of water before we left for the transfer. It wasn't much, but it felt like a victory to me.
We get to the clinic a few minutes before our scheduled ET time to find the door locked without any sign of people. My bladder and I were not happy. I was already feeling the urge to pee and the fact that this most likely meant there would be a delay served to escalate my urgency. But we waited anyway and the doors were finally unlocked about 10 minutes after our scheduled appointment.
Come to find out, we were not the first people on the schedule so we had to wait even longer while I struggled to contain my bladder. We were taken back to a room (another one with a little window to the lab) where I got undressed and waited for the doctor. The nurse came in several times to tell me that he would be a little while and she could see the discomfort on my face. She asked if I thought I could pee just a little to help with the pressure. At first I wasn't sure I could do it, but after another 5 minutes, I thought I might die if I had to sit there any longer and I went for it. I'm actually pretty proud of myself. I managed to pee only about 2 ounces and keep the rest in. Not an easy feat!
The doctor eventually came in and told us how the embryos looked. On the day of the transfer, we had only 4 remaining embryos, one didn't make it. Of those 4, one was the highest grade (1/5), 2 were 2nd highest (2/5), and one was just OK (3/5). He recommended that we transfer 2 embryos to maximize our chances of success without having too much of a risk of high order multiples. We agreed.
The doctor from the lab came in with our embryos in a catheter and asked me to verify my identity and my decision to transfer 2 embryos.
The embryo transfer was similar to an IUI with one big catch. It is done with an ultrasound on the outside looking in at the uterus and pushing on a very full bladder. It hurt. A LOT. I cried and let me tell you, I haven't cried for any other procedure I have had in over 2 1/2 years of TTC and IF treatments. It is crazy to think that the transfer hurt more than the retrieval. It was quick once he was able to find my cervix, but it hurt. And then I started cramping while dealing with a super-full bladder. THEN, the doctor tells me that I need to lay there for 10 minutes before I can get up and pee. This induced further tears while I laid, curled up in a ball and Tim stroked my hair. Tim played a few songs on the iPod to try and make me feel better and it really helped to pass the time. Once I could pee, I felt a bit better and we were out the door as quickly as I could hobble.
For the next 2 days, I was on bed rest. This meant that I could only get up to go to the bathroom and the rest of my time was spent on the couch. I spent those days watching the entire Harry Potter series and playing on the computer. It's funny, at first I thought it would be nice to chill out on the couch and watch movies all weekend, but something changes when you are told you HAVE to stay on the couch. Suddenly, you realize that the last place you want to be is on the couch.
By the second afternoon I really wanted to get up and do something. It took a little convincing, but I eventually got Tim to let me make a pie. I had some graham crackers and some sugar-free, fat-free pudding mix and I thought that would be nice and simple. Yeah....not so much. LOL
I made the crust just fine and then used the directions on the box to make the pie filling, but being the culinary genius that I am, I decided to get fancy and add mint extract to the filling. Oh yeah, and I couldn't be bothered to measure the mint. I just poured a little bit in. Oops. In the end, I made a chocolate toothpaste pie that was completely inedible. It was clear at that moment that I needed to go back to the couch.
At this point, there is nothing left to do, but wait. Beta was scheduled for 2 weeks from the date of the retrieval.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
Sunday, August 7, 2011
So this is how babies are made...The IVF process part 1
After finding out that I had a good number of mature follicles, I prepared for the egg retrieval (ER). This meant that EXACTLY 36 hours before the ER, I had to get a trigger shot. The morning of the retrieval, my RE had kindly prescribed me a Xanax pill to help with nerves. I took the pill and we headed to the clinic. We started at the lab where Tim would be providing his...ahem...genetic contribution. I had to go with him and show my ID, sign a bunch of paperwork and verify that he was the man I wanted to father my child. It's already getting romantic right??
I left Tim at the lab and headed next door to the clinic where I got checked in and waited. Tim joined me in the waiting room and we were taken back to our room. Now, many women are heavily sedated or anesthetized for the ER, but my clinic generally doesn't do that. Instead, I was given an intramuscular injection of dilauded and some sort of atropine analog. These medications did NOTHING. The doctor told me I would be pretty loopy, but I wasn't even mildly sedated. I was scared and wide awake, but at the same time, I was very excited to be getting what I THOUGHT was the worst part of the whole process over with. Yeah...it's not the worst part, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.
The nurses kept checking on me and eventually realized that I wasn't going to get any more sedated than I was so they told the doctor to come in and get started. The room was a pretty standard exam room. There was the bed, an ultrasound machine, a couple of chairs, a stool with wheels and a counter with a sink. In addition though, there is a little door in the wall that leads to the lab next door. This door is designed to pass the fluid retrieved over to the lab so they can go on their very own egg hunt. Oddly enough, this door is at the south end of the bed which means that there were probably a dozen or so people who had a bird's eye view of my nether region while the doctor retrieved my eggs. A few years ago, this would have really bothered me, but now, meh...
So the RE comes in and the ER commences. For those who don't want to know what the ER entails, skip ahead a paragraph. The RE placed a speculum and cleaned the inside of my vagina with a few different things. He then injected lidocaine (or something similar) into the wall of my vagina in order to make the BIG needle less painful. The speculum was removed and the RE waited a few minutes to let the lidocaine kick in. A transvaginal ultrasound was used to look at my ovaries and locate the fluid filled follicles that house the precious eggs. Unfortunately, as the RE suspected, only my right ovary could be retrieved. The left was just not in a good position. The retrieval is done by a large needle attached to the ultrasound probe. The doctor identifies a good location for retrieval, sticks the needle through the vaginal wall into my pelvic cavity and a little vacuum provides suction to aspirate the follicle contents. I'm not gonna lie, the needle didn't feel good, but it really wasn't as bad as I had built it up in my mind to be. And it was kind of neat being able to watch the follicles get poked and shrink down under the machine's suction.
After the retrieval was over, I had to lay around and rest for awhile and nurses came in and checked on me. We were waiting to hear how many eggs we had and I was very scared about what that number would be considering that we left an entire ovary full of follicles. The RE came in and gave us the news, they had retrieved 5 eggs. I was devastated. Five? FIVE!? After all of that, they only got 5?! Obviously we don't want to have 5+ kids but eggs do not equal babies. Generally not all eggs fertilize and even if they do, they don't all make it to transfer.
I tried to be positive, but the fear that we wouldn't have any embryos to transfer was overwhelming.
I left Tim at the lab and headed next door to the clinic where I got checked in and waited. Tim joined me in the waiting room and we were taken back to our room. Now, many women are heavily sedated or anesthetized for the ER, but my clinic generally doesn't do that. Instead, I was given an intramuscular injection of dilauded and some sort of atropine analog. These medications did NOTHING. The doctor told me I would be pretty loopy, but I wasn't even mildly sedated. I was scared and wide awake, but at the same time, I was very excited to be getting what I THOUGHT was the worst part of the whole process over with. Yeah...it's not the worst part, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.
The nurses kept checking on me and eventually realized that I wasn't going to get any more sedated than I was so they told the doctor to come in and get started. The room was a pretty standard exam room. There was the bed, an ultrasound machine, a couple of chairs, a stool with wheels and a counter with a sink. In addition though, there is a little door in the wall that leads to the lab next door. This door is designed to pass the fluid retrieved over to the lab so they can go on their very own egg hunt. Oddly enough, this door is at the south end of the bed which means that there were probably a dozen or so people who had a bird's eye view of my nether region while the doctor retrieved my eggs. A few years ago, this would have really bothered me, but now, meh...
So the RE comes in and the ER commences. For those who don't want to know what the ER entails, skip ahead a paragraph. The RE placed a speculum and cleaned the inside of my vagina with a few different things. He then injected lidocaine (or something similar) into the wall of my vagina in order to make the BIG needle less painful. The speculum was removed and the RE waited a few minutes to let the lidocaine kick in. A transvaginal ultrasound was used to look at my ovaries and locate the fluid filled follicles that house the precious eggs. Unfortunately, as the RE suspected, only my right ovary could be retrieved. The left was just not in a good position. The retrieval is done by a large needle attached to the ultrasound probe. The doctor identifies a good location for retrieval, sticks the needle through the vaginal wall into my pelvic cavity and a little vacuum provides suction to aspirate the follicle contents. I'm not gonna lie, the needle didn't feel good, but it really wasn't as bad as I had built it up in my mind to be. And it was kind of neat being able to watch the follicles get poked and shrink down under the machine's suction.
After the retrieval was over, I had to lay around and rest for awhile and nurses came in and checked on me. We were waiting to hear how many eggs we had and I was very scared about what that number would be considering that we left an entire ovary full of follicles. The RE came in and gave us the news, they had retrieved 5 eggs. I was devastated. Five? FIVE!? After all of that, they only got 5?! Obviously we don't want to have 5+ kids but eggs do not equal babies. Generally not all eggs fertilize and even if they do, they don't all make it to transfer.
I tried to be positive, but the fear that we wouldn't have any embryos to transfer was overwhelming.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Thunderfollies are goooooo!!!
I have another update and it's more good news! My follies are ready for harvesting. At my appointment today, the doc informed me that my estrogen was almost 700 on Saturday and today, I have 6 follicles that are over 18mm (they like to see at least 3 over 18 before the trigger). There are also another half dozen or so that are between 15 and 18 so those might be ready soon too. The plan is to trigger tonight and ER is on Thursday. I'll have an update on Thursday with how many are retrieved and on Friday we will get the fert report.
I am so excited and so scared right now. This is actually going to happen! Eeek!!!
Please let there be some eggs in those follies and let them be mature and fertilize! :crosses fingers:
I am so excited and so scared right now. This is actually going to happen! Eeek!!!
Please let there be some eggs in those follies and let them be mature and fertilize! :crosses fingers:
Monday, June 27, 2011
When the Going Gets Tough....
I begin to doubt myself.
Over the past 2 1/2 years that we have been trying to conceive, I have gone through a number of self-deprecating emotions. First, I thought I was too fat to have a baby. Then, I thought that if I couldn't get pregnant naturally, it was nature's way of saying I shouldn't be a parent. Most recently, I have begun blaming my faith, or lack thereof, for my infertility. I have noticed for the past year or so that the people in my life who have gotten pregnant seem to be those who believe in a higher power, particularly those who are members of an organized religion.
I'm not going to say that I don't believe in a higher power. I really do think that there is more to life then the time we spend breathing, but I am not a fan of organized religion and I don't spend a lot of time contemplating the mystery of an afterlife. Unfortunately, with this lack of religion, comes a lack of faith. I don't have faith that everything will work out and I don't have the comfort that everything happens for a reason. I can never say "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him." Not because I have never prayed for a child, because even the non-believer in me has thrown my hands up in desperation and asked God for a child, but because I still have that doubt.
I frequently feel like infertility is my punishment for not having faith. I was baptised and I spent enough time in church to think, if there is a God, I'm on his radar and He is pissed that I turned my back on Him. That probably sounds really dumb, but these are the thoughts that creep in when I think about the things that Tim and I have been through.
I don't know why I felt the need to write this. It's just something I have been thinking a lot about lately. I respect people who have faith and there is a big part of me that is jealous of them for having that comfort, that belief, that there is a higher power and He is on their side. It seems like a greedy reason to go back to religion though and I will never be comfortable with man speaking the word of God.
Over the past 2 1/2 years that we have been trying to conceive, I have gone through a number of self-deprecating emotions. First, I thought I was too fat to have a baby. Then, I thought that if I couldn't get pregnant naturally, it was nature's way of saying I shouldn't be a parent. Most recently, I have begun blaming my faith, or lack thereof, for my infertility. I have noticed for the past year or so that the people in my life who have gotten pregnant seem to be those who believe in a higher power, particularly those who are members of an organized religion.
I'm not going to say that I don't believe in a higher power. I really do think that there is more to life then the time we spend breathing, but I am not a fan of organized religion and I don't spend a lot of time contemplating the mystery of an afterlife. Unfortunately, with this lack of religion, comes a lack of faith. I don't have faith that everything will work out and I don't have the comfort that everything happens for a reason. I can never say "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him." Not because I have never prayed for a child, because even the non-believer in me has thrown my hands up in desperation and asked God for a child, but because I still have that doubt.
I frequently feel like infertility is my punishment for not having faith. I was baptised and I spent enough time in church to think, if there is a God, I'm on his radar and He is pissed that I turned my back on Him. That probably sounds really dumb, but these are the thoughts that creep in when I think about the things that Tim and I have been through.
I don't know why I felt the need to write this. It's just something I have been thinking a lot about lately. I respect people who have faith and there is a big part of me that is jealous of them for having that comfort, that belief, that there is a higher power and He is on their side. It seems like a greedy reason to go back to religion though and I will never be comfortable with man speaking the word of God.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
IVF Update
I had a monitoring appointment on Saturday morning and the news was good for the most part. Although the doctor does not feel that my left ovary can be retrieved, I have at least 10 f0llies cooking on the right side and they are all growing at a similar rate. The doctor is very optimistic that I will have plenty of follicles and that things are right on track. I am still hoping that they will be able to get the left, but it's nice to know that even if they can't we should still have at least a few eggs.
I go back on Tuesday for what will hopefully be my last monitoring appointment. At this point the retrieval will likely be Thursday or Friday. Eek!!
I go back on Tuesday for what will hopefully be my last monitoring appointment. At this point the retrieval will likely be Thursday or Friday. Eek!!
Monday, June 20, 2011
I think I feel something!
LOL
I woke up this morning, rolled out of bed, grabbed my meds and did my shots. I feel like I have a routine down pretty well, but unfortunately, my stomach is already really bruised on one side which limits where I can do the injections. With 3 injections a day (1 lupron and 2 stim shots) it is getting harder and harder to find vacant real estate (even with my fat belly!).
About an hour after I did my shot this morning I really started to feel something going on in my ovaries. Stronger on the left, but also on the right... Could it be? Is it possible? Are my ovaries actually RESPONDING to the 450 units a day of follicle stimulation drugs?! Time will tell.
I have my first monitoring appointment on Wednesday morning. I'll be sure to keep you posted :)
I woke up this morning, rolled out of bed, grabbed my meds and did my shots. I feel like I have a routine down pretty well, but unfortunately, my stomach is already really bruised on one side which limits where I can do the injections. With 3 injections a day (1 lupron and 2 stim shots) it is getting harder and harder to find vacant real estate (even with my fat belly!).
About an hour after I did my shot this morning I really started to feel something going on in my ovaries. Stronger on the left, but also on the right... Could it be? Is it possible? Are my ovaries actually RESPONDING to the 450 units a day of follicle stimulation drugs?! Time will tell.
I have my first monitoring appointment on Wednesday morning. I'll be sure to keep you posted :)
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Please forgive me for I have slacked.
It has been 6 weeks since my last blog post.
I have been super busy at work which is one of the reasons I haven't updated. I also haven't had much to say. I've been on birth control pills waiting for the time to start stims for IVF. Well, I'm now done with birth control!! I started lupron injections last week and I'll start stims next week (assuming my baseline goes well).
For those who are unfamiliar with the process of in vitro fertilisation, I'll give a breakdown. I'm new to this too, so I'm going to keep it simple.
There are multiple different medication protocols all designed to get the ovaries to make lots of follicles that are all at the same level of maturity.
Most protocols start with birth control, lupron or both. This is designed to shut your system down in the reproductive department. The doctors don't want your ovaries making any decisions on their own. Once the ovaries are shut down, they are ready for stimulation. The drugs for stimulation are the same as the ones I have used in previous cycles, but the doses are higher. The hope is to stim for about 7-10 days and get lots of mature follicles. After stims, comes the egg retrieval (ER). A drug is given to 'loosen up' the follicles and get them ready for the retrieval. The retrieval is done at the REs office. Basically, an ultrasound is used to guide a needle through the vaginal wall into the abdominal cavity. The needle is directed at the individual eggs and they are aspirated out. Once the eggs have all been retrieved sperm is added and the waiting game begins.
Not all eggs will be mature and even mature eggs won't necessarily fertilize. Once it is known how many of the eggs fertilized, decisions regarding how long the now embryos will wait in culture before being put back in the uterus or frozen. Generally embryo transfer (ET) is done at either 3 days or 5 days. The doctor will help guide the decision of how long to wait and how many embryos to transfer. For us, we will transfer 2 embryos at the most. If we have great quality embryos to choose from and we are able to go out to 5 days, we will likely just transfer 1, but it's too soon to be sure. (at this point, I am just hoping that we have something to transfer!)
The transfer procedure is very similar to an IUI. Instead of sperm being placed directly in the uterus, an embryo or embryos will be placed directly in the uterus. After that it's another waiting game. Just like before, there's a 2ww before testing for pregnancy.
Phew! Just typing it out has me tired!
I have been super busy at work which is one of the reasons I haven't updated. I also haven't had much to say. I've been on birth control pills waiting for the time to start stims for IVF. Well, I'm now done with birth control!! I started lupron injections last week and I'll start stims next week (assuming my baseline goes well).
For those who are unfamiliar with the process of in vitro fertilisation, I'll give a breakdown. I'm new to this too, so I'm going to keep it simple.
There are multiple different medication protocols all designed to get the ovaries to make lots of follicles that are all at the same level of maturity.
Most protocols start with birth control, lupron or both. This is designed to shut your system down in the reproductive department. The doctors don't want your ovaries making any decisions on their own. Once the ovaries are shut down, they are ready for stimulation. The drugs for stimulation are the same as the ones I have used in previous cycles, but the doses are higher. The hope is to stim for about 7-10 days and get lots of mature follicles. After stims, comes the egg retrieval (ER). A drug is given to 'loosen up' the follicles and get them ready for the retrieval. The retrieval is done at the REs office. Basically, an ultrasound is used to guide a needle through the vaginal wall into the abdominal cavity. The needle is directed at the individual eggs and they are aspirated out. Once the eggs have all been retrieved sperm is added and the waiting game begins.
Not all eggs will be mature and even mature eggs won't necessarily fertilize. Once it is known how many of the eggs fertilized, decisions regarding how long the now embryos will wait in culture before being put back in the uterus or frozen. Generally embryo transfer (ET) is done at either 3 days or 5 days. The doctor will help guide the decision of how long to wait and how many embryos to transfer. For us, we will transfer 2 embryos at the most. If we have great quality embryos to choose from and we are able to go out to 5 days, we will likely just transfer 1, but it's too soon to be sure. (at this point, I am just hoping that we have something to transfer!)
The transfer procedure is very similar to an IUI. Instead of sperm being placed directly in the uterus, an embryo or embryos will be placed directly in the uterus. After that it's another waiting game. Just like before, there's a 2ww before testing for pregnancy.
Phew! Just typing it out has me tired!
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