Timing FAIL

Well, September was a bust and I am super bummed. :(
I was really depressed on Friday after yet another BFN and then I started spotting on Saturday which killed any bit of hope I had left for the cycle. I had a wonderful martini on Saturday night and a margarita yesterday as consolation prizes, but ya know, they don't quite cut the pain of a failed cycle. (they were tasty though...)
As for this cycle, we have to sit it out which is absolutely the worst. I will be in Baltimore at a meeting for work from CD14-CD18 so my RE said it wasn't worth doing any meds this cycle. It's so incredibly frustrating to sit out, particularly when we really don't want to.

In the mean time, I'll try and come up with some fun/funny things to post about to help the time go by, but today, I'm still sulking.

The Women Who Stare at Pregnancy Tests

I have become a member of a very elite group of women. We are the women who stare at pregnancy tests a la The Men Who Stare at Goats. I don’t know how it happened, one day I was taking a pregnancy test, as I so often do, and it was negative, as…well…it ALWAYS is, and I proceeded to stare at it for an inordinately long period of time. I don’t know what prompted this behavior, but it has now become a part of my routine when I POAS. {Technically, I pee in a cup (PIAC), but the acronym doesn’t roll of the keyboard as nicely so I type POAS instead.} So anyway…I POAS, I use the “internet cheapies”, and I wait maybe 10 seconds for the control line to show up. Then, I pick up the stick and proceed to stare at it for at least 5 minutes WILLING it to be positive. I haven’t quite gotten one to turn yet, but I think I've almost got it. Until then, I will keep practicing. For anyone else who is interested in becoming a member of this elite club, here are some step-by-step instructions. You too, can be one of the women who stare at pregnancy tests.

Waiting

Waiting is what women with IF do. We don't always do it well, but we don't really get much of a choice. We wait for AF, we wait to ovulate, then there's the 2ww which feels more like a 2 month wait sometimes.
I'm in an odd in-between kind of wait right now. I had an IUI on Friday which was not pleasant, but no one was seriously injured in the process so I guess it was a success.
The hard part is that I don't even know if I ovulated this month. I had several follie scans, the last one being Monday, and they showed multiple follicles, but none of them were overwhelming in size. Tim gave me a trigger shot on Wednesday hoping that the follies would be big enough to ovulate by Friday when we did the IUI.
I've been temping to try and keep track of things in hopes that I would be able to confirm ovulation, but my temp shift has been kind of pekid so far. So now I have to wait until Friday to get bloodwork to check my progesterone level. If the level is at least 10, then I ovulated. Over 15 and the RE will be pretty happy with the strength of the ovulation.
Another odd, in-between...I am testing out my trigger shot. See, the trigger is an injection of HCG which is the same chemical that HPTs detect in urine during pregnancy which means as long as the HCG from the shot is in my system, I will get false positives on HPTs. So, I took a test yesterday and it was positive and I will keep testing every day until I get a negative. That way, if I get another positive test after that, I'll know it's the real-deal.
The crazy thing is, I stared at that false positive for at least 5 minutes. Almost willing it to be real and true. We have been trying to have a baby now for 21 months and that is the first positive test I have seen. I hope I get to see a true positive someday.