Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Thunderfollies are goooooo!!!

I have another update and it's more good news! My follies are ready for harvesting. At my appointment today, the doc informed me that my estrogen was almost 700 on Saturday and today, I have 6 follicles that are over 18mm (they like to see at least 3 over 18 before the trigger). There are also another half dozen or so that are between 15 and 18 so those might be ready soon too. The plan is to trigger tonight and ER is on Thursday. I'll have an update on Thursday with how many are retrieved and on Friday we will get the fert report.
I am so excited and so scared right now. This is actually going to happen! Eeek!!!

Please let there be some eggs in those follies and let them be mature and fertilize! :crosses fingers:

Monday, June 27, 2011

When the Going Gets Tough....

I begin to doubt myself.

Over the past 2 1/2 years that we have been trying to conceive, I have gone through a number of self-deprecating emotions. First, I thought I was too fat to have a baby. Then, I thought that if I couldn't get pregnant naturally, it was nature's way of saying I shouldn't be a parent. Most recently, I have begun blaming my faith, or lack thereof, for my infertility. I have noticed for the past year or so that the people in my life who have gotten pregnant seem to be those who believe in a higher power, particularly those who are members of an organized religion.

I'm not going to say that I don't believe in a higher power. I really do think that there is more to life then the time we spend breathing, but I am not a fan of organized religion and I don't spend a lot of time contemplating the mystery of an afterlife. Unfortunately, with this lack of religion, comes a lack of faith. I don't have faith that everything will work out and I don't have the comfort that everything happens for a reason. I can never say "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him." Not because I have never prayed for a child, because even the non-believer in me has thrown my hands up in desperation and asked God for a child, but because I still have that doubt.

I frequently feel like infertility is my punishment for not having faith. I was baptised and I spent enough time in church to think, if there is a God, I'm on his radar and He is pissed that I turned my back on Him. That probably sounds really dumb, but these are the thoughts that creep in when I think about the things that Tim and I have been through.

I don't know why I felt the need to write this. It's just something I have been thinking a lot about lately. I respect people who have faith and there is a big part of me that is jealous of them for having that comfort, that belief, that there is a higher power and He is on their side. It seems like a greedy reason to go back to religion though and I will never be comfortable with man speaking the word of God.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

IVF Update

I had a monitoring appointment on Saturday morning and the news was good for the most part. Although the doctor does not feel that my left ovary can be retrieved, I have at least 10 f0llies cooking on the right side and they are all growing at a similar rate. The doctor is very optimistic that I will have plenty of follicles and that things are right on track. I am still hoping that they will be able to get the left, but it's nice to know that even if they can't we should still have at least a few eggs.

I go back on Tuesday for what will hopefully be my last monitoring appointment. At this point the retrieval will likely be Thursday or Friday. Eek!!

Monday, June 20, 2011

I think I feel something!

I woke up this morning, rolled out of bed, grabbed my meds and did my shots. I feel like I have a routine down pretty well, but unfortunately, my stomach is already really bruised on one side which limits where I can do the injections. With 3 injections a day (1 lupron and 2 stim shots) it is getting harder and harder to find vacant real estate (even with my fat belly!).

About an hour after I did my shot this morning I really started to feel something going on in my ovaries. Stronger on the left, but also on the right... Could it be? Is it possible? Are my ovaries actually RESPONDING to the 450 units a day of follicle stimulation drugs?! Time will tell.

I have my first monitoring appointment on Wednesday morning. I'll be sure to keep you posted :)

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Please forgive me for I have slacked.

It has been 6 weeks since my last blog post.

I have been super busy at work which is one of the reasons I haven't updated. I also haven't had much to say. I've been on birth control pills waiting for the time to start stims for IVF. Well, I'm now done with birth control!! I started lupron injections last week and I'll start stims next week (assuming my baseline goes well).

For those who are unfamiliar with the process of in vitro fertilisation, I'll give a breakdown. I'm new to this too, so I'm going to keep it simple.

There are multiple different medication protocols all designed to get the ovaries to make lots of follicles that are all at the same level of maturity.
Most protocols start with birth control, lupron or both. This is designed to shut your system down in the reproductive department. The doctors don't want your ovaries making any decisions on their own. Once the ovaries are shut down, they are ready for stimulation. The drugs for stimulation are the same as the ones I have used in previous cycles, but the doses are higher. The hope is to stim for about 7-10 days and get lots of mature follicles. After stims, comes the egg retrieval (ER). A drug is given to 'loosen up' the follicles and get them ready for the retrieval. The retrieval is done at the REs office. Basically, an ultrasound is used to guide a needle through the vaginal wall into the abdominal cavity. The needle is directed at the individual eggs and they are aspirated out. Once the eggs have all been retrieved sperm is added and the waiting game begins.

Not all eggs will be mature and even mature eggs won't necessarily fertilize. Once it is known how many of the eggs fertilized, decisions regarding how long the now embryos will wait in culture before being put back in the uterus or frozen. Generally embryo transfer (ET) is done at either 3 days or 5 days. The doctor will help guide the decision of how long to wait and how many embryos to transfer. For us, we will transfer 2 embryos at the most. If we have great quality embryos to choose from and we are able to go out to 5 days, we will likely just transfer 1, but it's too soon to be sure. (at this point, I am just hoping that we have something to transfer!)

The transfer procedure is very similar to an IUI. Instead of sperm being placed directly in the uterus, an embryo or embryos will be placed directly in the uterus. After that it's another waiting game. Just like before, there's a 2ww before testing for pregnancy.

Phew! Just typing it out has me tired!