More Disappointment

I tested this morning and it was negative. I'm 14 days post ovulation (dpo) so there is virtually no chance that I got pregnant this cycle. To top it off, Tim is visiting his family this weekend in Montana so I'm alone and he is hanging out with his 2 little nephews. He told me last night how cute the boys are and I could hear the hope in his voice. I hate myself for not being able to give him a child and I wonder if he will start to hate me for it too.

The Story of Us

So I figured it was time for a post about Tim and I, how we met and the wonderful things that have happened since he came into my life. (I also felt compelled to throw in some pictures for your amusement)

Tim and I met on match.com in October 2005. I honestly think that this is the only way a 4th year veterinary student and a commercial pilot could have met. Tim was a first officer at the time and I was in my clinical year at the college.

For our first date, we went to dinner and a movie (Max and Erma's and "Prime" for those who love the details). Also, in case you were wondering...yup, we kissed on the first date (scandalous!). I could tell that Tim was a kind man the moment I met him. He is sweet and caring to his core and even though he was really nervous on our first date, I was sure that once he loosened up, he would be fun and easygoing.

Tim and I lived together for about 6 months before we got engaged in December 2006 and we were married a 1 1/2 years later on June 21, 2008.

In 2 months, we'll be celebrating our 2nd anniversary. I feel so fortunate to have met Tim and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him.

Waiting on results

After several months of this, I thought I had it down, but apparently I don't. Every month at 7 dpo, I get my blood drawn to check my progesterone level. Thus far, I have never gotten a call with the results. I always have to call the office for them. In the past, the results have been available by 8:30 am so I generally wait until 10 or 11 am to call. Today I called and was told that they aren't back yet, which is fine. What I don't understand is why the lady on the phone has to be so snarky. I understand that I am making her do work, but isn't she at work? Isn't it her job to answer the phone and address patient questions? When did patients go from customers to nuisances? I just don't understand.
Oh well, the wait continues and you can bet I will call them again if I haven't heard something by this afternoon.

Mother's Day

How great would it be to find out that I am pregnant the week before Mother's day? I honestly thought I would have a baby by this Mother's day, but I'll take a BFP. After losing my mom to cancer when I was 20, Mother's day has always been a day to hide away for me. I love my step-mom, but it's still really hard to be without my mom. I'm tearing up thinking about it now.
I really do hope that I have something to celebrate this year and for all of the future Mother's days to come.
Tim is out of town this week and if my progesterone level comes back nice and high, it will be really hard for me to wait to test until he comes back. I will try though. I want him to be the first to know if we are pregnant.
Here's hoping for a reason to celebrate this Mother's Day!

Vampires

Over the past 6 months I have had blood drawn at least 10 times. Mainly for IF stuff but for other stuff too. Through the multiple pokings, I have learned that I only have one good, reliable vein. It's inside my right elbow, the "elbow pit" if you will. It runs in a weird direction, but it's big and it always flows if the vampire (phlebotomist) hits it right.
Today was a good blood draw day. I had to get my 7dpo progesterone level to find out if I ovulated and how strong the ovulation was. The vampire listened to me when I told her about my vein, felt my arm and stuck, no muss no fuss. If only they all went that well... Half the time, they don't listen to me and want to feel all over creation and even poke me multiple places before finally resigning to the fact that I know my body and I've been through this enough times that I know what works. Today was good. Now I just have to wait for the results.

Anyone have a crystal ball handy?

I hate trying to time my cycles. It is the most frustrating thing about TTC. I temp and chart and use OPKs all in an attempt to pinpoint ovulation BEFORE it happens. It is so frustrating. Temping doesn't tell you when you are about to ovulate, it only tells you that you did after it happened. More than half of the time, I don't get a positive on the OPKs even when the doctor confirms that I ovulated. We haven't done ultrasounds because Tim is out of town so much it would be even more frustrating to have the doctor tell me that we need to get busy when Tim isn't available.
Even still, we will start doing monitored cycles next month (assuming we don't get pregnant this cycle). I just can't take the guessing game any more.

HSG

So HSG stands for hysterosalpingogram, but it really could stand for "Holy Shit, God!" because it freaking hurts. OMG, when the doc injected the dye into my uterus, I wanted to DIE. It hurt. The pain only lasts about 20 seconds, but UGH.
I have to admit, while I was laying on the table I said several times (to myself and out loud) "childbirth hurts more and I want that pain more than anything in the world" I also said "it's worth it for a little one" over and over.
The results of the test: ALL CLEAR!!! No blockages. I am so freaking happy.
Tim had a semen analysis last month and that was all good and now we know that my tubes aren't blocked. So far, it looks like PCOS is our only issue. It's a crappy issue to have, but I am so hopeful now that we may be able to get pregnant.
After the test, Tim took me out for Chinese (my fave) for lunch. My fortune said "with every deed you are sowing a seed, though the harvest you may not see." His "You will be sharing great news with all the people you love"
His brought a tear to my eye. I really hope that we have news of a little one on the way soon.