Why my husband is awesome

You know, I just don't give Tim enough credit most of the time. He is an amazing and wonderful man and I feel so fortunate to be in his life. When I sit down and try to think of all of the things that make Tim amazing, there are so many things that I think about and some that I just can't put into words. As a start:

• He is sensitive, he cares about me and our furbabies. He cuddles on all of us and talks in baby talk to the puppies.


• He gets me. When I am having a bad day or upset about something, he senses it-I don't even have to say anything, he just knows and he also knows when to hug me and not say anything or just leave me alone.


• Tim is one of the smartest people I know and he is an amazing teacher. He is passionate about so many things, particularly aviation and photography.


• He isn't afraid to be goofy, especially around his niece and nephews.


• Related to that, Tim loves kids. He is so cute around babies, all sweet and nervous and then when they are able to walk around and talk, he is so comfortable with them. He is going to be an amazing father.

And then there are a few funny things about Tim, that make him who he is and make me laugh.

• Tim really likes to build things, but he almost never completes a task without hurting himself and/or swearing. He will invariably hit his thumb with a hammer or drop something on his toe. I can't help but stifle a giggle while he's hopping up and down on one foot.


• Tim will always be a pilot, even though we can't afford to have him fly as often as he would like. Whenever a plane flies overhead, he looks up. I think that when he looks up, he is putting himself in the cockpit, imagining what the pilots are doing and seeing.


• Just like a pilot, Tim is always strives to be on time--it doesn't matter what it is; a lunch, a class or even a party. This may not seem that funny, but he made me laugh on Sunday when he had to produce a sample for the IUI. We needed to leave at 7 am and I tried to minimize the pressure by telling him that it's no big deal and that we can leave a little late if we need to. Well, sure enough 7:00 on the dot, he walks into the kitchen ready to leave. I couldn't help but laugh and say that he is such a pilot that even his sperm strive to have an on time arrival.

Tim is just amazing, for these things and so many others that make him who he is. The past 2 years have been tough on both of us emotionally, but he has been a constant support. We have truly been in this together from the start and in the end, no matter what happens, being together is the most important thing.

Adventures in Insemination

Well, IUI #4 is done. This is the final IUI before moving onto IVF. In honor of this monumental occasion, I thought I would share a little bit about insemination adventures.

Tim always comes with me for the insemination and after they put the sperm in, I'm supposed to lay still for 5-15 minutes (depending on the doctor, they all tell me something different). We decided after the 1st one that we needed some 'mood music' to a. help pass the time and b. encourage the little swimmers. Here is a list of the songs that have been played on the insemination station:

• "Derezzed" from Tron Legacy


• "Danger Zone" from Top Gun


• "Just Haven't Met You Yet" by Michael Buble


• "If I Didn't Have You" by Randy Travis (our song)


• "Heart of Life" by John Mayer


• "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey


• "The Picard Song" by I don't know---it's some goofy song on youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6oUz1v17Uo

I wonder if you could guess which songs I picked and which ones Tim picked???

I hate going to the RE on the weekends because the weekend receptionist sucks. She is slow to get people checked in, she has absolutely no personality and she has overcharged me on more than one occasion. Today, she was in classic form and we waited for about 45 minutes before she finally put us in a room. Dr. Cof wasn't available today so I got a different RE (not Dr. Lynch-thank GOD). He was very friendly, competent and the IUI didn't hurt much at all. After he finished, he told me to lay there for 10 minutes and then we could leave. Well, we started playing music and encouraging the swimmers to head for the tubes. We reached the 10 minute mark in the middle of "Don't stop Believing" by Journey and I figured we would wait an extra minute and let the song play through. Apparently the bitchy moronic receptionist had different ideas. She barged in with barely a knock asking if it had been 5 minutes yet. I told her that the doctor recommended that we stay put for 10 minutes. She informed me that I needed to get dressed and leave.

I wanted to smack her. Seriously!? I mean give me a freaking break. This clinic has 13 or so exam rooms so I know that they weren't short on real estate for other patients. Not to mention that she is not a doctor and it is not her place to tell me what to do. I don't care if she got her online degree in being a shitty receptionist at Devry, telling me to get up and leave is not ok. So of course, I took my sweet-ass time getting dressed. With how much IUIs cost, I think I've earned 20 minutes in an exam room if I want it.

So now we wait! Wish us luck :)

My Ovaries Hate Me

I figured I should post an update since I'm 2 weeks into my cycle. Unfortunately, my ovaries are not responding as well as last cycle. This time last cycle, I had 2 mature follicles and 3 follicles that were close to mature. I triggered on CD13 and did my IUI on CD15. Well, I'm on CD14 this cycle and I don't have any mature follicles. My estrogen has pretty much flat lined and I am feeling completely frustrated. I have an appointment with my RE tomorrow morning to talk about IVF, but I am so scared to even think about taking the next step. I hope that he can lessen my fears a bit so that we can move forward, because I have all but given up hope on this cycle.

I thought I would share a collage that I made to illustrate some of my IF experiences. Pretty much all of the images came from Google searches, so thank you to those who posted pics for me to use. :) One pic was taken by Tim, it's the one in the bottom right corner. Thank you honey!

Here We Go, Again

Got the all clear at the RE's office yesterday. I have a couple of small cysts (under 20 mm) but Dr. Cof didn't seem too concerned. I did my first shot for this cycle yesterday and I go back on Wednesday for my first monitoring appointment. I'm not nearly as stressed about the injections as I was the first month. When I first started I would count down the minutes until 8:30 pm when I did my shot. Now, I have to set an alarm to keep myself from forgetting. I get all of my vials mixed and injected really quickly now and I often try and race the commercials on TV. It's amazing how something that was once so scary has become so normal.

So, here we go again, time to pull the handle...Come on Jackpot!

Addicted to Trying

So CD1 was yesterday. Last cycle is officially over and it ended with tears and heartbreaking sadness. Tim and I spent a long time talking on the morning of CD1 about our decision to take a break cycle and in the end, we just couldn't do it. We don't want to give up, even for a month, and the timing for a break really wasn't right for us. So I go in tomorrow for an u/s. I am so scared that they are going to find a cyst that knocks us out for a month, but all I can do right now is hope for the best.

I honestly believe that TTC with IF is like playing a slot machine in Vegas. You put your money in and then you pull the handle. You stare at the spinning wheels hoping and praying that this time you'll see the bars. This time, you'll see two lines - jackpot. When the wheels stop spinning and it's clear that you got a cherry, a lemon and a bell, you want to just give up, maybe go to another machine or cut your losses entirely and go lay by the pool. BUT there is that part of you that thinks what if the next pull is the winner? How would I feel if I walked away? Would I wonder what would have happened if I pulled that handle one more time?

Only, it's even worse with IF because what you are hoping to gain, the jackpot, is so much more valuable than money. You aren't putting in money, hoping to get more money back, you are giving of yourself, hoping to gain something that can't be quantified. It is priceless. It is life. It is family, your family.

So here we are, about to pull the handle again. Praying for the jackpot.

BFN and Spotting

No good news, just bad news. I tested yesterday and today (10 and 11dpo). Both were BFNs. I spotted a little yesterday which had me clinging to hope that it was implantation, but I'm still spotting today. I think AF will be here very soon.

I am sad beyond measure and feeling very defeated. Tim and I will be taking at least a month off to recover from this roller coaster ride, but we are not ready to give up completely yet. I'll post more when I have the energy.

Woot woot!

I got my 7dpo progesterone level back and it's 32.4! This is very good news and I am trying hard not to read too much into it. It's hard though. I know that progesterone levels only tell you how well you ovulated, they don't tell you if you're pregnant, but I am still so hopeful. I feel like we finally have a chance at getting pregnant. After so many months, we have a chance!!