I had another monitoring appointment today. There was no progress on Thursday so my RE upped my Bravelle dosage to 225 iu. Today, not only did I not have any progress, I have officially started to back-slide. I have fewer follicles and my estrogen went from 119 on Friday to 49 today. So basically, I am back where I started over 2 1/2 weeks ago.
When I think about how many times I've been poked since starting this cycle...
FSH injections: 20
Blood draws: 6 BUT those 6 blood draws required more than 12 needle sticks.
It really is enough to make me want to give up. I feel hopeless and frustrated. According to my RE, it is possible that I have hypothalamic dysfunction in addition to the PCOS which means that I am deficient in FSH and LH. So, they are adding another drug to my regimen. This drug, Menopur, has both FSH and LH and they are hoping that it will kick things into high gear.
With everything that I have been through physically and everything that Tim and I have gone through emotionally, it is easy to want to give up. It is easy to lose sight of why we are doing it and think that maybe we don't want it that badly, but then I close my eyes and think about our future and what I see in our future is a family that is more than just the two of us. I see our child and all the love that we will share and hope that we will have for his/her future. I know exactly why we are doing this and I am not ready to give up, neither is Tim, and that's one of the many reasons why I love him so much.
"Brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want something badly enough. They are there to keep out the other people"
— Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture