Feeling Defeated

So, yesterday was Mother's day and I tried to sulk, but Tim wouldn't let me. We spent most of the day running errands which was a good distraction.

Today, I went in for a follicle scan to see if I am ready to trigger and do the IUI. The trigger, Novarel, is an HCG injection that has to be given IM. I had to pick up the medication yesterday at the pharmacy and bring it with me today in case they wanted to give it. When I got the Rx, I looked at the instructions and it said "inject 10 milliliters (mL) intramuscularly for 1 day". I freaked. No one gives that much volume as an IM injection. It's f-ing crazy. So I went online and tried to look up how people give the medication and I went on the bump and asked the ladies how they have gotten it. It turns out that generally, the medication is reconstituted in a smaller volume if it is all being given at once IM so I felt better. Until my appointment.

The follicle scan showed only one follicle with any potential, but it is still too small to trigger so I have to go back in a couple of days to see what happens. While I was there, I told the doctor that the instructions on the Novarel freaked me out, I couldn't believe that they would give an injection of 10 cc IM. He laughed and said "yup, but we actually give it as 2 shots" I just about broke down right there. He told me that if I didn't like it I should "take it up with the company".

I just want to cry right now. I feel so defeated and so unheard. I don't understand why my body won't just do what comes natural to the vast majority of women. Sometimes I just want to give up.