Thursday, May 6, 2010

Infertility Creeps In

Last week, my best friend's father was tragically killed. He was here one day and gone the next. It has been such a hard time for her and her family and I wanted to be there to help her through it.
Tim and I drove up to see her for the wake and funeral this week. My heart goes out to her. I know what it's like to lose a parent and I know that there isn't anything I can say to make it better. I actually didn't say much. I tried to distract her and ask about other things, but I knew better than to tell her that it's going to be alright or that it will get better in time, because those sentiments didn't help me when I was grieving.
As I sat with her, I listened to the things that people said to her and her mom in an attempt to comfort them and one thing was said over an over again--"he will live on in his children and grandchildren". The statement is true and I do think that it offers comfort to the family, but for me, sitting there, it made me want to cry.
I know that the past few days weren't about me or my own struggles and I would never expect anyone to edit their comments to someone just because I am sitting there, but it was still like a knife twisting in my heart.
What if we never get to have that? What if we are a genetic dead-end? What if something happens to Tim or me? What will people say when they realize that they can't use those comforting words? Who will keep Tim occupied or help him with arrangements when I'm gone? How would he cope? How would I cope?
It is amazing to me that even in this time when there is already so much grief, infertility can creep in and somehow make it that much worse.

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